Behold, the oft-treasured list of runner-ups to Jay the Bluejay! Kate Henderson (she/they) // Crew Writer Ava Shahres (she/they) // Web Illustration Perry the Platypus Disney iHome Music System …
Humour
Instead of Updating Fir Building, CapU Administration Opts to Purchase Joe Walsh Signed Les Paul.
When reached for comment, CapU President Paul Dangerfield said, “Uh oh, here comes a flock of wah-wah’s.” Kayla Price (she/her) // Contributor Jordon Richert (he/him) // Web Illustration Ah,…
Dear music students: knock off that dang racket!
Adam Stothard (he/him) // Virtuosic Scientist Maren Brophy (she/her) // Illustrator I sit here, perfecting my diorama, and you have the gall to invade my ears with your jazzy-wazzy nonsense?…
The CapU Guide to Branding Yourself a Socialist While Having Rich Parents and Not Actually Doing Anything Socialist at All
Yasmine Modaresi (she/her) // Crew Writer Cameron Skorulski (he/him) // Illustrator So, you’re a sheltered rich kid, and you’ve realized that the Gen Z population is really left-wing. You hear…
Tips and Tricks for Saving Money on Campus at Capilano University
Sean Finan (any) // Crew Writer Kyla Seguiban (she/her) // Illustrator It’s no secret that the Capilano University administration snatches every penny they can from impressionable students — hungry for…
“No one could’ve predicted this,” says CapU student on academic probation for lifting an entire essay from Wikipedia
Joss Arnott // Staff Writer Thea Pham // Illustration NORTH VANCOUVER, BC — “No one could’ve predicted this,” said Kyle Geiger, an Interdisciplinary Studies student at Capilano University (CapU) in…
BREAKING: GUY IN ONLINE PHILOSOPHY 102 CLASS NEEDS TO “SHUT THE FUCK UP”
Joss Arnott // Staff Writer Thea Pham // Illustration Local Capilano University (CapU) first-year general studies student Barry Rich reportedly just mansplained Plato’s Allegory of the Cave to his entire…
Cyberpunk 2077 Release Gives Local Man Hope He Can Still Be Loved Despite Being Deeply Broken
Sarah Rose // Features Editor Valeriya Kim // Illustration Mike Jones, 29, is one of the millions of players eager to play the long-awaited Cyberpunk 2077 since it’s announcement at…
The Beige and the Bold
After months of prolonged isolation, CapU’s business students announce plans to continue wearing chinos and dockers “indefinitely” amidst an unprecedented rise in Digital Peacocking Joss Arnott // Staff Writer Valeriya…