A complicated history with motivation and the pressure that follows the beginning of a new year.
Yasmine Modaresi (she/her) // Crew Writer
Cameron Skorulski (he/him) // Illustrator
I’ve always been the type of person to wake up on January 1st, open my journal and start my entry with “April 20, 2013.” Not taking the passage of time seriously or simply forgetting that I’m a creature that ages has been an ongoing quirk—okay, maybe it’s a problem—since I was a kid. So, it seems self-explanatory why New Year’s resolutions never really work out for me.
Back in the beginning of 2024—which, in my mind, was just a few days ago—friends purchased gym memberships for the first time, dedicated to growing those juicy glutes and voluminous hamstrings. Others swore to implement vigorous study routines and activate Nikola Tesla levels of creativity. Then, my friend Kathleen manifested a husband after crying about her singleness on Christmas 2023. These are some dedicated people, able to activate an Achilles level of discipline overnight and radically shape their lives into something completely new.
New Year’s resolutions work out magically for them, a kick of motivation akin to the lovechild of anabolic steroids and Adderall. As established, I’ve personally never been able to relate to this collective frenzy of hypnotic productivity. But, let’s be honest, most people don’t stay dedicated to their Spartan soldier routines much longer than January. Forcing yourself to be a machine just isn’t sustainable and that’s a blessing, because it’s a reminder that you’re alive, sentient and are having a peak human experience in all of its exhilarating unpredictability.
Contrary to what productivity creators on TikTok might say, I’ve never had to have an engineer transform me into a cyborg to achieve my goals. I might not know what day it is most of the time, but my excellence baffles even me (yes, I’m arrogant). Over the past four years that the government has determined me an adult, I’ve had bouts of productivity followed by tranquil episodes of pothead relaxation.
Amidst all this, are my goals getting achieved? Yup! While I’m sure that having the support of every resolutioner in the city can be a great incentive to lock in, and completely alter your personality once the clock ticks to 12 a.m. on January 1st, personality psychology suggests that who we are on a fundamental level remains relatively stable throughout life. So, if I decide to adopt an alter ego, I’m likely just setting myself up for failure.
Like every other flawed mortal, I have maladaptive behavioural tendencies that are practically intrinsic; a compilation of little quirks that make me the unique individual that I am. But, for every maladaptive trait that holds me back from achieving my goals and personal growth, numerous counterparts complement and uplift my interests and make my goals attainable if only I learn to harness my potential. So, rather than creating rigid schedules that brutally beat the creativity out of me, I instead take an hour or so to be very honest with myself on a colourful piece of poster paper from the dollar store just a few days before the new year begins. The medium gets me in touch with my inner child, reminiscent of an elementary school experience filled with nurture and growth rather than criticism.
Being human is a process of wandering through the turbulent journey of life, so I never want to be presumptuous with myself. What I want now might be completely different from what I want in a year;and that’s part of what makes being alive so exhilarating. On my colourful poster paper, I sit before each new month begins and brainstorm my major goals in an honest conversation with myself. Doing this every month, rather than at the beginning of the year, allows me to recognize my humanity, reflect on my growth and identify what I can improve on moving forward to support my journey to self-actualization.
This is a love note to myself, to cherish how far I have come, but also a divorce document outlining the aspects of myself that don’t serve who I aim to be. The culmination? A nurturing experience between the current self and the aspirational self, where one empowers the other to achieve its desires every month. Over the past few years that I’ve been engaging in this simple tradition with myself, I’ve achieved endless small victories as life has transformed into an endless ritual rather than a chore.