It’s almost better than selling your soul to the devil
Earl Dangwa (he/him) // Humour Editor
Caroline Zhang (any) // Contributing Visuals
Are you down on your luck? Did you just graduate university, start a new business and things are going to shit? Is no one interested in that wonderful, ingenious and totally-not-stolen-and-unoriginal novel? Maybe you’re a newly minted therapist and potential clients want nothing to do with you? Or perhaps you’re an actor and your auditions are absolute garbage? Well, if you at all relate to any of these questions but have an intense desire to turn your life around, keep reading.
You see, in this day and age, what people really look for in any business—privately and publicly, individually and commercially—is the label. As in, what looks good? More specifically: “What looks good on me?” If you want to sell yourself, you need a good label. Lucky for you, there is one very specific general label you can use: “Organic.”
It’s reusable, has adaptable applications and most important of all? No one really knows what it means. No one cares! People don’t care to know the myriad definitions of the word “organic,” only that it’s simply another synonym for “natural” and that it’s a healthier, more sustainable option for produce. You know what’s natural? Tobacco. Everyone knows how healthy that is.
Anyway, the label matters. In your local supermarket, organic produce is sold at up to 50-55 per cent more than its otherwise non-organic counterparts. If we account for the increase of labour and land use of these products, the prices would be deemed as … fair. So, what happens if we have a business that has exactly the same ideal business model—cheap and inexpensive—then we just tack on that coveted “organic” label? Well simply, we profit.
Some more well-informed individuals might call this “greenwashing,” the act of labeling products as environmentally friendly when they aren’t. But it wouldn’t be that at all. Sure, “organic” advertises itself with environmental sustainability, but we don’t have to subscribe to that definition. So long as your product or whatever you are selling doesn’t directly harm the environment, there’s no stopping you from using the label. Make-up and clothing brands have gotten away with this for years. It wouldn’t be greenwashing, it would just be like a little white lie. Some lies are worth keeping. Just think about how it sounds. “[Title Here]: An Organic Novel,” “Organic Therapy,” “An Organic Actor.” See? Everyone already wants to buy what you’re selling.
Hell, if you really want to, you can lean into it. If you’re an aspiring writer, you can write absurd poetry about plants and the lasting environmental effects of the industrial revolution and settler-colonialism. Or just write a novel featuring tropical jungle fruit. Organic therapy is already a thing, but there’s no market for it in mental health (at least not yet). If you are an aspiring actor in desperate need of something to differentiate yourself from your less talented friends, use a plant prop or paint yourself green. It doesn’t matter so long as you introduce yourself as organic. Those casting directors are gonna eat it up. Why? Because the label works. Because organic sells.