Scooby snack stories from the Courier editorial team
Jordan Tomlinson (he/him) // Humour Editor &
Anonda Canadien (she/her) (Decho Dene) // Arts and Culture Editor
Ren Zhang (they/them) // Custom Type
Christina Williams (she/her) // Illustrator
Part I.
The first edible I ever took was ¼ of a brownie that sent me to the Milky Way for 72 hours. I was working a summer student job at the age of 17, and on a Thursday night I was a gas station hot dog rotating endlessly in my bed. Unable to sleep, my brother gave me the smallest piece from a weed brownie. For the first 30 minutes, I thought to myself, ‘Damn, this edible ain’t shit’. . . Not long after, did the edges of the world begin to blur.
This was unlike any joint: I was higher than I’ve ever been and felt like I was gonna fall off the Earth. Once morning came, and—if you can believe it—I was even higher than when I passed out. I had to go to work at 9 a.m. with bright red eyes; it was payday, and I didn’t feel real. My brother laughed, called my work and told them I was sick. I felt like my legs were jelly and I passed out for a long time, until the sun went down. The whole weekend I felt high, but I didn’t say anything because I was paranoid and thought, “Will I always be this way?” But, Sunday night arrived, and I felt my eyes finally go straight. That experience scared me straight. I did not eat another edible for four years after that.
Part II.
My first real high school party was a graduation party for the grade above me. The only younger people were myself and my best friend. The stakes were high. It was a ‘Bring your own tent and camp on the front lawn’ function, a typical Abbotsford celebration. However, the interior was forgotten by my best friend, leaving us with an empty plastic prison to reside in.
But, it’s no biggie. We’ll pull through. Tonight is the night.
Roughly an hour in, I drank for the first time. Scared as hell, I split a vodka soda with my best friend. We kept drinking and grew more confident in our refining drink-having, substance-consuming abilities. Then, we were offered edibles. Feeling like the coolest guy who ever lived, I immediately accepted. All I know was that it was a gummy that came straight from hell.
It took about two hours for it to hit. Within that time, I had decided I was simply immune and forgotten I had taken anything at all. So, when all of a sudden, the entire world began to tilt a little bit, turning slowly toward the left, I became quite concerned.
Acting as casual as I could, I stayed silent while attempting to turn my head to catch up with the Earth’s sudden orbit. I looked across the function to my best friend, who was laying on a camping chair, eyes open and not focused on anything.
Remaining composed, I stood up to grab some water. Carefully—and incredibly slowly—I approached a communal pitcher, pouring some into a random cup. I brought the cup to my mouth to take a sip, only to be met with nothing. The cup was empty. This broke me.
My eyes remained wide as I stared at the ground in shock. Within this time, my best friend approached me and said she was going home, and she offered to take me with her.
As much as I wished for the comfort of my own bed (or even the couch at her house), I just couldn’t do it. I just had to keep being what I thought I was. The coolest guy around.
The evening came to a close inside a small dark tent in rural Abbotsford. Shivering on the thin nylon sheet protecting me from the ground as I listened to laughs outside the shelter. Sobbing and blowing my nose into a towel trying to muffle my tears because I just knew they were laughing at me. How could they do that to the coolest guy here? Sad.
Fin.