The passing of ‘Bill 89’ which regulates the distribution of podcast equipment has caused quite the stir among young men
Jaismine Kaur (she/her) // Contributor
Rachel Lu (she/her) // Illustrator
Two infamous podcast hosts are sounding it off after the passing of Bill 89—Podcast Material And Equipment Regulations—a sweeping new law that restricts podcast equipment ownership across North America. And, both men are putting up a united front vis-a-vis a singular belief: the grave essentiality of microphones.
On the latest episode of ‘The Chud Luds,’ host Anabolic-steroid Alf addressed his audience, whom he dubs the Blackpilled ALFas, claiming that the law allows “independent twerps, which apparently think on behalf of all people and their constitutional rights, to determine whether a podcast would be allowed to roll,” adding that enforcement has already begun. He mentioned a recent incident involving another podcast, explaining how the “fallen brothers on High Value Dweebs got their XLR cable warranty voided under Section (2) – Parasocial Riling.”
Meanwhile, entrepreneur and serial podcaster Mr. Entré PrenoÎr Pander, speaking on his own platform, described the legislation as part of a broader cultural attack on what he calls “the actual real thinkers of our age.” In a statement delivered in an unusually low register, Pander said, “these are some things being done nowadays, in this day and age as a matter of fact, which do not sit right with the actual real thinkers of our age” (sic), before warning that the country could “fall into the hands of sickly nerds who weren’t shoved around enough as kids.”
Pander also revealed how he is personally facing strict enforcement under the new law, stating, “I am currently contesting false allegations against me under Section (5): Sissy-phus Format,” defending his speaking style and explaining how “circling around a point, edging to but never getting to it, makes for a very riveting listening” (sic).
The situation seemed to get heated when Mr. Pander deafeningly addressed the potential confiscation of his equipment, screaming, “YOU WILL NOT GET MY $40 USB MIC AND BOSE HEADPHONES, I WILL TAKE THESE TO MY GRAVE AND GET HADES TO TESTIFY THAT I TAKE MY RESEARCH VERY SERIOUSLY INDEED” (sic), later clarifying, “I WATCH ALL THE CLIPS I REFERENCE, SOMETIMES ALL 16 SECONDS OF IT.”
Both shows also appear to be monetized by the same sponsor. Alf and Pander each regularly promote PharmingAI, a service pitched as providing all the AI bot farms a podcaster could need to engage with ragebait and artificially boost engagement, framing it as a way to take “independence” into one’s own hands in a true entrepreneurial spirit by automating the promotion of slop. The sponsorship is notably available across all social media platforms, with the notable exception of Facebook, where UncPharm is already more prevalent.
Back on ‘The Chud Luds,’ Alf, who is also known for his expertise on and obsession with rare felines and meats, vowed to continue broadcasting “6 days a week,” insisting that “no one can censor the truth that comes to me in my dreams as prophecies” (sic).
As of the date of publication, it remains unclear whether either podcaster’s equipment has been confiscated under Bill 89. Sources say both men remain confident, audible, and fully committed to the bass.