Andrea Chiang (they/them) // Contributor
To my past self,
I’m proud of you.
I think that’s something you need to hear more. You spent most of your life wondering if you’re doing enough. There’s a constant nagging feeling of being left behind or guilt to keep working and never take a break that weighs on you.
You are doing enough.
Believe in yourself.
It’s only when you trusted in yourself did you get a job, because you weren’t paralyzed with anxiety. You started giving your all and whether others were more skilled or more knowledgeable or more experienced than you or not didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was what you could do and how much better you got. You stopped doing things for others at the expense of yourself. Instead of one-sided relationships, you have friends, family, and a community that gives you back the same love you give to them. It’s only when you did things for yourself—things that made you happy, that inspired you, that made you better—and not for someone else did you stop getting burnt out.
You know what you get for doing things for yourself? A nice condo in a peaceful neighbourhood with plenty of trees and wide sidewalks perfect for your morning walks. There’s a park within walking distance where you take Roxy and now she’s better at meeting other dogs! She looks so happy. You’re lucky that you have the time to look after her and can afford a dogsitter when you get busy. You couldn’t be more grateful that the place you bought allows pets.
It might feel small for Roxy, but she seems to like that she always knows where you are in the condo. She lays by your feet in the living room whenever you’re eating or lounging on the sofa. She’s always trying to sneak a bite of food when you’re cooking in the kitchenette which is the only downside to the one bedroom apartment. It’s nice to have separate rooms for an office, bedroom, and bathroom. The office is somewhat of a solarium—windows from all sides with a nice view and sun spot for your plants.
This might be the first time you truly feel at home: everything belongs to you and you only. You can organize the kitchen utensils and pantry the way you want without worrying someone will misplace anything. You have complete control over the furniture layout and choice of decor. The hand-me-downs and IKEA furniture vaguely resemble a modern luxe styled interior, but there’s no other way to describe the aesthetic other than you. Your 3D wooden puzzles, collection of claw machine stuffies and Handsome Squidward painting are no longer confined to your bedroom and storage. It feels like you can finally relax and spread yourself to every room and corner of the apartment.
No more living financially dependent on your parents. You won’t ever believe it, but you got a permanent position at a studio and earned enough to make all of this happen. Your side hustles have been popping off too: writing and drawing comics, animated shorts on social media, merchandise for your online store. They’re all just for fun, but it’s crazy that you get offered sponsorships and commissions for your work. You have the stability of a corporate job with benefits and the freedom to make money with your artistic expression during your spare time.
What city and country do you live in? What company do you work for? Who do you end up marrying if you even want to marry at all?
There’s so much more I want to tell you, but I know how you would react: anxious and frustrated. You might think it’s too much pressure. You would feel like you have no choice and that your future is predetermined—but it’s not. You have the power to choose how you want to live your life. You can change your mind. This is your dream. It isn’t futile to imagine what your life could be. You are already so determined and hardworking. Don’t think choosing to follow your goals is ever pointless. Even when you fall, you will pick yourself up. You can do it.
I love you.
From,
Your future self