Polls indicate that British Columbians in three separate age brackets have nothing more important to do than to wholeheartedly disagree with what one another.
Ashlea McRae (she/her) // Contributor
Shilo Sun (they/them) // Web Illustrator
According to recent polls, British Columbians overwhelmingly prefer to be absolutely incorrigible about everything. In the oldest sample group, participants indicate an increased resistance to conversing with younger groups, stating, “They always think their opinion is the only right answer, stating their ideas as objective facts.” The younger sample groups overwhelmingly echoed the same sentiment.
These findings suggest that none of the sample groups put effort into communicating with or understanding each other enough to build any sense of connection. Commonalities be damned, British Columbians are taking the anecdotal phrase ‘It’s my way or the highway’ to new heights.
A participant from the oldest sample group sits in the coffee shop on the corner of the street that he visits every morning, sipping his espresso. He watches a student with their backpack strapped over their shoulders orders their $7 oat milk latte, huffing into the newspaper he’s reading. “This is why young people will never be able to afford a home. Always irresponsible with spending,” he grumbles, “No one wants to work these days.”
The student retrieves their oat milk latte from the barista who is paid below a living wage, leaving a 20 per cent tip on the machine. They stir in two packets of sugar at the counter and turn to find a spot to sit and work on their online courses. All the seats are full, and they spot the old man sitting alone in the corner. “Nothing better to do than to sit in a coffee shop and then go home to their multi-million dollar house apparently,” they huff, heading out the door of the packed shop.
With all this huffing and puffing, it’s a miracle that those million-dollar houses haven’t all blown over yet. At the risk of editorialising a serious news piece about a very real poll, I wonder: isn’t all the finger-pointing getting tiring? These polls indicate no, British Columbians are working on their index finger six-pack abs at an astounding rate. More research is needed to understand how this will impact future generations, but who’s going to read that anyway?