Snack time! In no particular order, we list the top eight most mouth-watering creatures from the beloved universe of delectable pocket monsters.
Kate Henderson (she/they) // Crew Writer
Releasing trading cards and video games since the mid 90s, Pokémon has been a staple of multiple generations–playing as a trainer who collects various unique creatures known as Pokémon. If it wasn’t already screwed up enough to keep them inside little balls to be used for battle, they’re now going to be devoured by me, mmm.
Metapod
Metapod is our crunchiest candidate, at least in its exterior. Eating Metapod’s wasabi pee crunch requires prime timing, specifically after its shells hardens in the scenario of attack. This crunch contrasts Metapod’s moist goopy insides; the Pokédex (the official Pokémon index) does describe the process of harvesting its shell, achieved by “a large impact” that causes Metapod to “pop out of its shell”. This not only makes the logistics of eating Metapod more complicated, but requires the specialized skill of an advanced Pokémon hunter.
Stunkfisk
This Pokémon is most appealing in its shape and texture; sort of like if beef jerky had a baby with a fruit-roll up and was shaped almost like a slice of pizza. Hypothetically, this could be fun to tear into (the same tense bite as beef jerky) however, Stunkfisk is an electric type Pokémon, meaning one risks electrocution while harvesting. Also, Stunkfisk are incredibly high in iron (as they reside in “iron rich mudbanks”) meaning regular consumption poses a high risk of gout.
Porygon
Described as “the only Pokémon people anticipate can fly into space,” it only makes sense that Porgyon’s flavour would be intergalactic, with the snap crack and pop of a Pop Rock. The Pokédex also classified Porygon as “manmade,” which could also account for the artificial flavour of Pop Rocks.
Psyduck
Ethically, Psyduck could be the worst choice on this list to eat. I thought eating Psyduck would give me his psychic powers, but once observing the Pokédex his psychic powers are described to cause “chronic headaches” that “torment” Psyduck causing its “vacant look,” and I don’t think I want any of that; sure, it might taste amazing prepared au confit, but do we really need to torment Psyduck more?
Diglett
Defined in the Pokédex as living “one yard underground” with a diet of underground starches, Diglett lives like a potato, and would probably taste like a potato. In so, its evolution of Dugtrio could be an evolution of potatoes, french fries (after you fry those fellas up). However, Diglett’s lack of sunlight exposure indicates severely low amounts of Vitamin D, indicating Diglett could lead to osteoporosis over time.
Togepi
With a shell supposedly “filled with happiness,” sprinkled with a colourful geometric pattern, I’m imagining the crunch of ‘90s cereal met with a smooth, yolky inside. That being said, Togepi’s happiness and good luck is only shared “when treated kindly,” I don’t think eating it is very kind. Frankly, if we’re already trapping Togepi in an orb for dog fights, I think the kindness boundary has been crossed already.
Snorlax
Described to have a “hidden ability of gluttony,” it’s clear Snorlax would be a rich feast for the whole family. In fact, according to the Pokédex, Snorlax eats “900 pounds” of food every day. While this would provide a lot of mass for us to eat, unfortunately Snorlax is also described to eat “moldy and rotten food” raising concerns that Snorlax could potentially be carrying high amounts of bacteria in its system.
Mewtwo
Mewtwo is one of the most unique choices to eat on this list and it could potentially be more ethical to eat him. After being created by “years of horrific gene splicing,” scientists still fail to give it “a warm heart.” Perhaps, instead of warming his own heart, he could warm our stomachs with his delicious meat.
Through this exploration, I hope you have also contemplated the ethics of each Pokémon you could consume, and the ethics of anything you consume (this part isn’t funny but it’s important). Which Pokémon would you eat? Let us know in the comments!
pysduck🤤