Broke-ass student recipes
Sara Brinkac // Columns Editor
Howdy, it’s me again, The Starving Artist. I have returned after a month’s sabbatical to the inner realms of flavor and, boy, am I excited to share with you what I brought back. I got a lot of fan mail during November from readers begging for a new recipe and desperately wanting to know where I went. Speculations arised on message boards, sightings of me in Monaco, rumors of royal affairs, and increasingly outrageous tales. Indeed, it was all true. The best part however, is that it only cost me 5 bucks and a stick of gum.
While it was hard to leave Prince Abdul Mateen, I knew I had a duty to return to my readers. The old adage of flavour-based monastic circles began to pull deep at my soul: “You can pull off an international diamond heist with a clove of garlic, but it means nothing if not shared with the greater Capilano Student Community.”
So, here I am, your budget Messiah and with me I bring a greater wealth of knowledge than the Canadian Food Administration Board ever thought possible. A knowledge of self. A personal favourite recipe that has kept my brain and pride fueled for years. A tasty, customizable dish that makes you feel good about your nutrition knowledge and better about your wallet. I hope you all enjoy this sacred concoction, and if not … the nation of Brunei is willing to support me in military affairs.
I’m Doing Fine Mom
Cost of Meal: $3.40 and your first born child
1 cup of rice
1 cup of water
2-3 eggs (I see you with that free range, good for you)
Dash of salt
Dash of pepper
Dash of turmeric/chili powder (optional)
1 can of tuna
3-4 florets of broccoli (optional for the fancy pants)
Ketchup (to taste)
Soy sauce (to taste)
Directions
- Grab some water, grab some rice and start the process of however you make rice. I’m an Instant Pot princess, so it’s a 1:1 ratio for me but I am understanding of the potboilers, rice steamers, and satanic incantations of the world. The important thing to remember here is to make at least two cups of cooked rice.
- Now to make your mom real proud. Break off some florets of broccoli and steam them in boiling water. It is crucial you cook them until they are just tender then get ’em’ out of that water stat and sprinkle a lil’ salt on them. Very little in this world makes me cry like an over-boiled and under-salted broccoli floret. Don’t make me cry.
- While your little grains are gettin’ cozy, and your broccoli is having a lovely steam, start grabbing eggs and beating them up*. You can choose to beat two to three eggs depending on the day you’re having. Add salt, pepper, and, maybe, turmeric? Or, chili powder? (consider it) to your preferred level of taste.
- Alright, alright, alright, Matty Machonaughey says your eggs are cooked, your broccoli is perfect and your rice is ready. Now, for the magic. Serve yourself up a cup of rice, slide the eggs on, half a can of tuna and your broccoli boys.
- Add soy sauce or ketchup to taste depending on your mood. Or, do both in separate parts of the bowl if you’re an indecisive queen such as I.
- Be proud of your food pyramid dinner.
- Realize you have an extra cup of rice and half a can of tuna after this process which means you can have this meal tomorrow with even less effort.
- Cry tears of joy and set up an altar for me in your home. You’re welcome.
Bonafide Appalachian!
— The Starving Artist