A feminine experience with the harsh realities of dating apps.
Jenna Luscombe (she/her) // Contributor
Sophia Filsoofi // Illustrator
Short-term, open to long-term. Six words that have haunted me as a heterosexual, single female in her twenties. I started using online dating platforms long before I should have, in both a legal and moral sense. Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Raya; name the app, and I’ve swiped.
It started in my senior year of high school, which is far too early for anyone to be meeting strangers online. I spent the majority of high school in a serious relationship, and I was seeking a shortcut back to that deep level of connection with another person. Those feelings of being unwanted and unloved while everyone around me was finding partners began to seep in, I hated being alone. I was addicted to the instant gratification of matching with an attractive person, and it became a game of fulfillment and self-worth.
Seven years later, and here I am, still swiping away. I’ve had my fair share of one-night stands and days spent staring at the ceiling wondering why I’m being ghosted, but it hasn’t been all bad. I’ve met people online that I couldn’t imagine my life without. I connected with someone who I ended up dating for a long time, and although it ended, there’s no part of it that I regret. I’ve reconnected with old friends, new flings and very interesting people who helped me create some core memories. While I was studying abroad, it was easy to use dating apps to meet like-minded solo travellers so we could both feel a little less alone in strange new parts of the world. It’s true that there’s still a stigma surrounding relationships that begin online, but the way I see it, dating apps allow people who are confident enough to know what they want to be proactive in finding it.
Dating apps have also led to some wildly entertaining stories shared between my friends and me. My friend and I once matched and went on a date with the same guy on the same weekend. He took us both to the same restaurant. My best friend was even ghosted by a famous DJ she met online after she sent a photo of herself to him.
While some of us might still be impatiently waiting for ‘the one’ to come along, I haven’t written dating apps off completely. I keep my guard up, as most women do nowadays, and I try not to let myself get invested too quickly. It does still feel a bit hopeless sometimes, but as Ginnifer Goodwin taught me, there’s always an exception to the rule.