The Starving Artist
Broke-ass student recipes
Sara Brinkac // Columns Editor
Tricia Tang // Illustrator
Hello all you lovely broke souls. It’s me, Sara, The Starving Artist. I’m both a starving artist and someone who sees the beauty in the weird meals we make when broke and especially tired. We all have one, the strange concoction from the back of the cupboards, something we take an odd satisfaction in eating and an even odder particularity in how that meal should be prepared. As The Starving Artist, I am making it my mission to supply you, my faithful readers, with an accurate recording of these recipes. For you and future generations these secret recipes will be protected to pass the torch of oddities and keep the human race from the brink of extinction. You’re welcome.
Speaking of oddities, boy do I have an odd recipe for you this month. This weird little meal comes from my weird little roommate, Sofia. She holds this recipe very dear. Many a time have I slandered this meal, and many a time has she staunchly advocated for it. I don’t know if I love it, but after talking to her more about the process, I must say, I certainly do respect it. Buckle in for a wild and tasty (?) recipe y’all.
The Post 16 Hour Shift
Cost of Meal: $1.27 and your pride
1 Pack of cheap spicy ramen
500 ml of water to cook the ramen in? I don’t know, you figure it out
1–1 ½ heaping Tbsp of the fattest thickest sour cream you got
Directions
- Grab a pot. One of those good pots for cooking ramen in and eating out of. You’re tired, you’re hungry, of course you’re going to be eating out of it.
- Put enough water in that pot to boil ramen in. I am upset that you would expect me to know how much water that is.
- When the water starts boiling, get excited because it’s ramen time. Crack open that bag of the cheapest, spiciest (within your tolerance) ramen you have and toss that hunk o’ noodles in the bubbling water.
- Alright, time has passed, you’ve pulled the ramen apart with a fork and really made yourself feel like you’re actively cooking something. Great. One thing though. You’ve just worked a 16 hour shift and you’re starving. There’s no time to wait around for these noodles to fully cook. Shut the stove off, say the noodles are al dente, not undercooked and head on down to step 5.
- Turn heat to low, remove pot from the stove and drain all the water out of the pot. I know what you’re thinking. “Drain all the water out of the pot? But this is ramen! It requires water for broth!” Hey kid, I didn’t ask for your opinion. Just drain the water out of the pot.
- Place said pot back on the element. Next, grab a heaping tablespoon of thick sour cream and plop that in your dry noodle mass. Allow that low heat to really warm the sour cream, mmm yummy, so warm and creamy. Hey, y’know what? If you’re feeling extra creamy get another half tablespoon in there, you only live once #treatyourself #yolo #:P
- Alright, now it’s time for the spicy mix. Shake that packet in and get all those flavours melding. Be sure to mix it fast. Real fact: the faster you stir the more the flavour is activated. Stirring faster also results in you thinking less about that thing fucking Cary said during your shift.
- Grab the pot off the stove, let it and your temper cool down, then, get this, eat the food. Don’t make me explain that part just thank me for the cool new recipe you have that’s super awesome. You could also thank my roommate Sofia since it’s her weird little recipe — but hey — I’m the one who typed it, give me all the credit, why don’t ya?
Bjorn Appletini!
—The Starving Artist