Vansh Malhotra (He/Him) // Contributor
Jordan Richert (he/him) // Illustrator
My mom is watching TV in the drawing room, my dad is working in the office, my toy poodle is biting on her toy duck’s head, and I’m merely staring at my laptop screen, doing nothing. I’m thinking: What should I be doing? What should I not be doing? There is a lot on my plate: six university courses and a French exam at Alliance Française next month. I don’t have the freedom to spend money my way—I’m not earning. My parents support my needs, but I feel awkward asking them for money to bear my innocent ‘wants,’ like eating out in a fancy restaurant or shopping with friends. I’m considering working but want to graduate soon, so I’m taking the maximum number of credits a semester allows.
Random questions interrupt my concentration:
Which assignment should be my priority now? English essay, French listening, or maybe my Degree Portfolio? Oh, and my History reflection—isn’t it due tomorrow? No, wait…is the deadline for the essay tonight?
I close my screen with a thud.
Mom enters my room. I think: Was my thud louder than the sound of her TV?
She brings hot chocolate. I see a video playing on the TV outside, one of the Bollywood singer Arijit Singh’s songs. Mom puts the cup on my study table and then kisses my forehead. I pause for a moment. Then I kiss her bandaged finger. She had hurt it in the morning while preparing breakfast. Mom leaves, and I pull up my laptop screen again. Ideas are coming into my mind. I type my essay while drowning my lips in hot chocolate. Love is so magical when days feel rough.
Last week, I experienced loneliness in a class. A friend of mine barely spoke to me. I saw her after a month, as she had been unwell. I gazed sadly as she engaged enthusiastically with her childhood friend but only waved at me with a smile when she entered.
“No complaints,” I pep-talked myself as I didn’t want to lose concentration in the class.
Naturally, she will miss her childhood friend, and I’m not comparing that friendship with mine. I have known her personally for two months; we have laughed a lot in class interactions. It hurts to only receive a warm smile.
I pondered on a question:
Is being kind, warm and friendly different from being a friend?
After class, I walked down the hallway, and two strangers smiled. One exclaimed, “Buddy, I love your hoodie’s design.” I smiled. A compliment is so magical when days feel rough.
Miracles happen when days feel rough. A hug from Mom, a smile from my friend, or a compliment from a stranger pauses my worries. My poodle abandons her beloved duck and pounces on my bed. I stop typing and stare into her mischievous yet innocent eyes. She gazes deeply into mine before licking my face. I giggle and try to stop her before she completely bathes me in her saliva. I must finish reading for a class tomorrow, or I may lose participation points. Then she returns back to her duck—my playful traitor! I grab the eccentric Tristram Shandy autobiography to read the second volume and make notes on provoking passages. I am also curious about my midterm marks for another course.
How much will I score?
I am getting worried. I think I performed my best. I want a high GPA. It will make my family proud.
Then, I look at my poodle, who again abandons her toy duck and starts playing with mommy. Mommy is thinking something, reading a WhatsApp message, but as soon as the dog lands on her lap, she closes the phone and strokes her ears. She sighs happily as mommy massages her fur. I smile and continue reading. This is my final year, and I’m taking upper-level courses. I want to Graduate with Distinction. I’m anxious, as I need high grades in all upper courses to achieve my goal. Earlier, I only took three classes, and they were all lower level. My student life is getting complicated.
I manifest independence when I’m working and travelling worldwide, without depending on my parents and leading life my way. I continue reading the autobiography while peeking constantly at my poodle. She is dancing up and down, trying to touch the Laughing Buddha Statue that is sitting high on the mantelpiece. I stand up and close the door to avoid distraction. Another song starts playing automatically on YouTube while mom prepares curry for dinner and simultaneously sings to our poodle, with her back behind the TV.
An inner voice whispers into my ears: One day, you will manifest these very days to return. Appreciating the present is so magical when days feel rough.
