By popular demand, the Courier reviews the Capilano Campus vending machines and gives a definitive ranking.
Mizuki Kinoshita (she/her) // Contributing Writer
Yohahnah Loker (she/her) // Web Art
As a student at Capilano University, there’s one universal truth: survival depends on the vending machines. You don’t waste precious time buying snacks and beverages, unlike the cafeteria and cafe. Whether you’re stuck between classes or studying in the library for a long time, these shiny options of convenience are there for you. However, do you ever wonder which specific machine truly delivers when you’re in a snack crisis? Don’t worry! I have ventured into the depths of the Birch and Library buildings to rate these unsung heroes. After all, let’s be real: a strategic vending machine choice could be the solution to all your problems.
The Snack Machines
Library Building: The Basics
Location: Near the cafe and elevator.
Contents: Chips, chocolate bars, candies, nuts—a decent spread, but nothing that screams “risk-taker.”
Evaluation: Safe, and reliable, but basic. It gets the job done, but no one’s writing home about it.
Birch Building: The Real Deal
Location: Near the cafeteria.
Contents: Everything the library offers, plus… popcorn! Yes, you read that right. Popcorn, Smartfood popcorn that is. Your hands are delightfully greasy but your heart and stomach are happy.
Evaluation: Birch is where it’s at. Trust me, this vending machine is the Beyoncé of snack options.
The Beverage Machines
Library Building: Hydration, But Make It Boring
Location: Near the cafe.
Contents: Water, Nestea, apple juice, orange juice. Oh, and vitamin water if you’re pretending to be healthy.
Evaluation: A solid choice if you forgot your reusable water bottle and want to avoid being judged, but does this machine spark joy? Not really.
Birch Building: Beverage Heaven
Location: Next to the cafeteria.
Contents: Yes! It has your standard water and juice, but then… chocolate milk, hydration drinks, and aloe drinks. Aloe! Who knew a vending machine could be so bougie?
Evaluation: The Birch vending machine wins again. It’s the vending machine equivalent of finding a five-dollar bill in your coat pocket—unexpected, refreshing, and slightly life-changing.
Rankings: Snack Edition
1st Place: Birch’s Popcorn MVP
This snack machine has it all: chips, nuts, granola bars, and popcorn. Whether you’re looking for something crunchy to stress-eat before a quiz or a snack that pairs perfectly with procrastination, this machine delivers. Suitable for any occasion, especially when you’re procrastinating your assignments.
Rankings: Beverage Edition
1st Place: Birch’s Dynamic Duo
I couldn’t choose between the two, so they share the top spot. Pop, chocolate milk, aloe drinks. This vending machine lineup is a treasure chest of hydration. Need to run away from your studies? Grab a Coke. Need to pretend you’re being healthy? Aloe drink. Either way, your thirst has met its match.
My Final Recommendation
Listen, Birch Building vending machines reign supreme. They’ve got popcorn, they’ve got exotic drinks, and they’ve got stock—a critical factor when you’ve walked all the way there and absolutely need that Canada Dry. But hey, if you’re stuck in the library with no time to venture over, the library vending machines will still hold you over with a decent bag of chips or a chocolate bar. Just don’t expect popcorn-level excitement.
So, next time you’re staring down a long day of classes and study sessions, remember: snack smart, hydrate better, and may the vending odds be ever in your favour.
