Single and ready to mingle find out my values in life

Mark Mapoles, Contributor
Illustration by Juliana Vieira

The thought of being single during Valentine’s Day is always tough for some. Feb. 14 is a time when romance is thrown in our faces for a day. We’re made to believe that we should be in a relationship, and if we aren’t, then there’s something wrong with us. Being single, however, is the perfect place for a lot of people to be. It gives us more time to focus on what makes us happy since we don’t have to worry about someone else and their needs – finding out what matters in our own lives before trying to make sure we can help someone else with theirs.

Time spent with ourselves is time well spent. According to relationship expert, Andrea Syrtash, “The best relationships occur when you have a good understanding of your needs, wants, and values.” Syrtash continues by emphasizing that, “being single allows you to focus on these things. Having this confidence and self-awareness will ultimately serve you in all of your relationships, not just romantic ones.” This should be a goal for people to work on: to plan their time wisely and do things that make them happy. The best time to do that is when you have fewer obligations in your life.

Knowing what you want in life is important. It’s also really hard to figure out. However, when people know what matters to them, it allows them to live a better and more authentic life. Being vulnerable with people isn’t as hard as it normally would because you value yourself more, and if the relationship can’t handle a little rumbling with vulnerability, then it isn’t a relationship worth pursuing.

One of the benefits of being single is that loving yourself can lead to your confidence levels skyrocketing. We’re biologically more likely to be influenced by others confidence when we are in their presence. That means single people who spend more time on themselves and gain more confidence will bring that confidence into all their relationships and influence others. It can actually make people feel better about themselves by just knowing someone who exudes confidence. Imagine that: affecting other people’s lives in a positive way because of your own love for yourself and being confident in who you are. Now that’s a true superpower. Also, people are more attracted to people that are confident, which will help a lot with finding someone that can teach you how to love yourself even more than you already do.

Having more time to ourselves gives us more time to reflect on our lives and see how we’re doing. Self-reflection is defined by the Open University as, “questioning, in a positive way, what you do and why you do it and then deciding whether there is a better, or more efficient, way of doing it in the future.” Being single is the perfect time to develop this learning tool. It can help us learn from our successes, but more importantly, it can help us learn from our failures and how we can improve in the future.

Being single allows us to try more things out and it gives us more opportunities to seize the moment. Who knows, maybe going for a run in the pouring rain and splashing through puddles at seven in the morning with some friends will be your favourite memory of the year. When you learn to prioritize yourself over romantic pursuits you are more likely to enjoy yourself. You will develop a deeper understanding of yourself and see why people enjoy your company. Vulnerability and courage will play a bigger role in life and people will get to know the real you.

Now, this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t strive to find someone to love. We should all try and find someone that makes our hearts smile. We should just try and spend less time worrying about it though, and more time finding out what makes us happy. If you can do things that make you happy, eventually you’ll find someone who makes you happy.

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